I would not like to have been a child then, or any other age of person for that matter

Our ward choir (that practices at our house so we'll come) is practicing "Whenever I Think About Pioneers" for July, and I have a hard time singing the words. Singing it doesn't make it true, y'all, and whenever I think about pioneers, this is what I think of:

• chopping hair out of the ice with an axe
• lugging a sack of dirty diapers until you find a river
• jerked beef
• mosquitoes
• burning sun
• the desert
• walking in bare feet
• frostbite
• gangrene
• infant mortality
• burning poop to stay warm
• cannibalism
• menstruation with no way of cleaning yourself--can you imagine how many bears they attracted?
• bodies in shallow graves being dug up and eaten by wolves

Pass.

intelligent design

Superman: "Opa, see how those bulls have big horns? The ones that have the big horns? Why do they have those big horns?"
Opa Wade: "Because Heavenly Father knew it would make them look awesome to the cows."

they poop rainbows

I think I'm done apologizing for my kids' normal behavior. It probably makes people think that my kids are bad, which they're not, or that I don't love them, which I do, and besides, why should I have to apologize? It's none of their beeswax, and if my experience with other people's children serves me right, they're having enough difficulty raising their own children to be decent human beings.

It's not my fault I have gifted children! Well, it sort of is. Because John and I are way gifted, too.

my own fault

Last night The Hulk said to John, while they were reading John Henry, "If I had been alive when John Henry was, I would have killed those men for ruining nature to build a railroad!"

That's super neat. He'll probably grow up to bomb oil refineries.

Also, Pinga was hollering in her room, so I went to find out what was going on. She said, "I poopy. I push it way out."

Thanks, Bill Cosby! You are hilarious and we are forever in your debt.

only one of many best days

Superman: "Chicken and dumplings? This is the best day ever!"

I love his exuberance.