tearing a corner off the man card

The other day John and Richard were playing a little bit of one-on-one, and John happened to be a point or two up when the game ended. And Richard totally flipped, man. Did the full Arnold*, kicking and pouting . . . just really disgraceful, you know? I'm guessing because he felt like his manhood was compromised or something, and John robbed him of something precious.

Just kidding! He actually didn't care--probably because he just let John win. Oh, burn! But Richard, here's a little something for you to make it all better, just in case you really were like that:

One recent Sunday I was gone and John had to do the kids' hair. It wasn't pretty. He kept globbing stuff into Captain America's hair, and it kept getting worse and worse. Then this happened:

Captain America: "Mom does my hair better than you. I bet Richard does hair better than you, too, because Richard has hair."

See, Richard? Manhood all better.

*Skip ahead to about 4:30 in the clip, and you'll see what the full Arnold is. Opie is pretty inexperienced.

thanks a lot, public school

While getting dressed this morning:

Superman: "This shirt looks like H-E-double toothpicks."
Me (alarmed): "Why did you say that?"
Superman: "Because I don't like it!"
Me: "Yeah, but who taught you to say that?"
Superman: "[Captain America]."

See what I mean? They're not learning this from me. If they were, they'd be going around telling people to grow a pair.

I always told you I'm the funny one

This morning:

The Hulk: "Well, [Captain America] is pretty funny."
Captain America: "You think I'm funnier than mom? Because I'm not. But dad is the funniest."
The Hulk: "Yeah, compared to mom!"
Me: "Well, that's just because you guys don't understand my sense of humor."
Captain America: "Yeah, I understand more of dad's jokes."

punchin' in and punchin' out and suckin' up to bob

Here is Pinga. I offered her strawberries, but she is slavishly devoted to the banana, and will accept no substitute.

She's going to see an ENT this morning. He practices in Fangorn Forest and comes highly recommended by Treebeard, so I guess we're in good hands. Or limbs, anyway.

She has had this fracking ear infection since November, and we think it's finally time to go to a specialist and maybe get some tubes, since we just got another useless prescription for amoxycillin last week. I didn't even fill it, and we've been using garlic oil and various other hippie remedies instead. I figure they can't be any more ineffective than something that doesn't work. So we're hoping we'll finally make some progress.

being fleeced by discovery gateway

We love the Salt Lake children's museum, pretentiously known as Discovery Gateway (It's in the Gateway Mall plaza--get it? Discovery Gateway?). But it costs so very, very much money that we usually make do with the Treehouse Museum in Ogden, which is almost as cool. But the water play area is a tenacious mistress, and her hold upon Superman's memory is like a bear trap. So we went there our last day of Spring Break.

Pinga working busily in the beehive.

Captain America in the beehive.

Pinga, pre-dunking.

Captain America studying the evaporative cycle.

Superman in his smock. What a square!

The Hulk studying runoff and erosion.

Superman practicing safety in the workplace.

These children are auditioning to be the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. I think they have the red eyes down perfect. Pinga thinks the horse sucks.

The Hulk is a being the fox in the henhouse. Or skunk, in our case.

He's a fence-sitter. A mugwump, if you will.

I made this and was way proud, but Captain America went and made one of his own, without even seeing mine or having help.

The other days of spring break were spent buying chicks, seeing our new niece/cousin Espn, playing with baby animals, reading tons of minutes, and making ourselves crazy.

dentisting

Monday afternoon we all went to Uncle Doug for our dental check-ups. And none of us have cavities, and he commented on how good my teeth are for my age. I bet it's all the talking and gum-chewing. I do have great teeth in which I take an inordinate amount of pride. I've said this before, but I had a little trouble accepting John's dental situation. But that was during Corn Smut, as we refer to the dark days in our relationship before we got engaged.

Superman's tooth that got all jacked up during Bathroom Vanity: The Reckoning has some damage, but it's not abscessed, and will probably just fall out early. Which is pretty awesome, considering that he looked like this:
GROSS! We are thankful he isn't dead. Because who else would steal all of our gum? And eat all of our food, all day long?

come listen to a prophet's voice whether you like it or not

John: "Okay, it's time to come in. Conference is starting."
The Hulk: "I HATE Conference!"