am I the only good parent around here?

I just wish people would stop giving their kids so many sweets.
Don't they even care?

another charming vignette from our classy life

John and I were still asleep in bed this morning, and Superman came into our room.

Superman: "Um, Dad? I need to tell you something."
John: "You peed the bed."
Superman: "No, it's not about me, but it is about Groceries. He pooped in the bathroom sink."
John: "Um . . . do you know it was him?"
Superman: "Yeah, he was in the bathroom when I came in. He was in the sink, and when he was done I went over and saw a big plop of poop. But you don't have to clean it up. I already did."
Me: "What did you do?"
Superman: "I washed it down the sink."
John: "Was it hard or soft?"
Superman: "What?"
Me: "Was the poop liquid poop or in pieces?"
Superman: "It was liquid. It was slick with chunks in it, and the stuff that wouldn't wash down the sink I got a napkin and picked it up."
John: "Where did you put it? Did you flush it down the toilet?"
Superman: "No, I put it in the garbage."
John: "Okay. Next time let's flush it down the toilet, because we don't want our sink to smell like poop."
Superman: "Well, it already does."
John: "Thanks for cleaning it up, though. Good job, bud."
Superman: "And that's service, right?"

I think Groceries must have gotten into the Indian food I gave to the trash cats.

mummy dear, mummy dear

Captain America: "Mom, what is this song?"
Me: "It's 'Breakfast in America' by Supertramp."
Captain America: "Then why is he saying not to look at his girlfriend? That's not even about breakfast."

On Saturday we had Fakesgiving with my dad's family. It was terrific, and it continues to mystify me why people will choose white meat over dark. My aunt Barbara brought a jello salad that I guess Superman fell deeply in love with, because he took a whole tub of it home--it's one of those 2-quart containers. He's weird about jello. He wrote me a note the other day about how much he loves it. Here is a picture: Don't hassle me about the all caps! We're working on it. It says, "Dear Mom. I love your jello." But evidently he loves Barbara's jello more.

we'll get together then, dad, you know we'll have a good time then

Last Saturday Captain America had a basketball tournament. There was a total pageant dad there who was watching the teams warm up, and when his son missed a shot he just started screaming at him, "What's wrong with you? Do it again! Again! Again!" He sat and yelled at the kid and made him take that shot over and over until he didn't miss anymore. I think it's neat that kid is going to play in the NBA now. Thank goodness his dad loved him enough to act like a giant idiot!

As John and I watched this ridiculous display we realized that we are not being good enough parents. We want our kids to excel in the sciences, though, so we took them straight home and shrieked at them, "What's wrong with you? Invent something! Again! Invent again!" They were whining about how it was midnight and they were tired and hungry, but we kept at it until they had each built a self-replenishing clean energy source.

I see great things in store for our family.

the learning continues apace, if anybody was wondering

Today Superman and I were doing his school worksheet. Here's how it went down:

Me: "Here are some riddles. The answers all rhyme with fun. First riddle: I am in the sky."
Superman: "I don't know."
Me: "What's something that's in the sky that rhymes with fun?"
Superman: "Uh . . ."
Me: "Name some things in the sky."
Superman: "Clouds. Fog. Birds. Herds! Herds of birds!"
Me: "What kind of a day is it today?"
Superman: "Sunny . . . sun!"

Me: "Second riddle: I am what you put a hamburger in."
Superman: "Easy! Box!"
Me: "Uh, no. What do you put a hamburger on?"
Superman: "Grill!"
Me: "No, after you cook it. What do you put a hamburger on when you're ready to eat it?"
Superman: "Plate!"
Me: "What do you put a hamburger on that rhymes with fun?"
Superman: "I don't know."
Me: "BUN!"
Superman: (giggling) "Oh, yeah!"

Thankfully he got the correct answer to "I mean 'to move very quickly'" right away, or I would have committed him.

I've called John a bunch of times since school started, wringing my hands about Superman. How could a child of ours be so stupid? But it's always like this when they first start out, I just keep forgetting. Thankfully we have Parent Teacher Conferences so I can find out that he's wicked smaht just like his brothers.