in which my children use their powers for evil

It was a collaborative effort from Captain America and The Hulk. I hope they progress beyond using their artistic ability to compose juvenile Star Wars fanfic.

Pretty cool that Jabba farts out of his stomach, though.

not yet, anyway

Me: "What are you doing? What do you need?"
Superman: "Uh, I was just wondering if 'party on the dance now' is a swear word?"

phantom pain

John's mom has said that she always hated going to the beach, because she had eight kids and she spent the entire day counting. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, over and over again, making sure they were all there.

I found myself repeatedly counting and coming up short this weekend. I would wonder, "Why are there only five? Who's missing?"

And then I would remember.

Mormons are usually a fairly amiable bunch at funerals, I think partly because we are a childlike people, but also because we know where our loved ones have gone. But the separation is painful all the same, and part of grieving is to recognize the loss, and the change that is being forced upon you. There are copious tears shed in the midst of the celebration of a life well lived.

This afternoon John and I were watching a video of their Christmas concert at Abravanel Hall. It was good to see everyone laughing and singing together again; to see the right side of the stage stealing focus like always while the left side waits patiently/exasperatedly for them to get their wiggles out. To hear Phil explain quietly that wherever Heidi is, there is where he is home. To hear him earnestly request us to help others to find the feeling of home.

I imagine that for a long time we will find ourselves counting and missing someone, or listening and wondering where the note is that makes the entire chord lock into place. But I know that we will then be reminded that he is not lost; he has simply returned whence he came.

the wood was so gummy, and my knife was so sharp

Yesterday while everything on my inside wanted to be on my outside, we got a call from the school saying that The Hulk had stapled his thumb. So John got to take him to the doctor while I spent four hours in the tub, avoiding interaction with Superman, who was attempting to break the TV. As the kid from Overboard would say, it was a hell of a day at sea.

Monday evening we were driving home after having a wretchedly disgusting dinner with John, and I let the kids watch Pee-wee's Big Adventure. During the part when Pee-wee is accidentally riding a bull, Pinga shouted, "IT'S A GOAT . . . oh, no, 's not a goat. 'S a hohsey. YEAH, HOHSEY!" I told her, "That's not a horse, it's a bull." She cried out, "YEAH, BULL!" She's rad.

sing out strong

It's been an emotional day. Of course just saying that feels cheap of me; what right have I to break down into sobs when my dear friend who has lost her husband is so stalwart? But this morning on my way down to Salt Lake I was listening to our Kid Stuff CD, and in particular "Sing, Sing a Song." It starts out with organlike hums, and then Phil's smooth, warm voice comes in with the lines

Sing, sing a song.
Sing out loud, sing out strong.
Sing of good things, not bad.
Sing of happy, not sad.

Then the song continues as Richard takes the solo, then John Luthy, then Mike Bearden, then my John, then Mike Willson. And by the end of the song all of our kids are singing and laughing; as Superman said it, "All the kids are singing, including me and also [Pinga]!" The song embodies all that we love about this group that has enriched our lives and given us experiences, opportunities, and relationships we would never have had otherwise. We are a family. The boys are like brothers, and the number of jokes the girls have made about our being sister wives couldn't be counted; but the feeling is real. We take care of each other. And to hear that feeling of joyful communion distilled so perfectly into a children's song is a tender experience. I didn't realize that the music would change my life.

he was brave

We just got some very sad news. A close friend of ours has been battling stage IV cancer for a long time, and he passed away this evening, leaving behind his wife and two-year-old daughter.

He was a kind, gentle man. A good man, and a good example of what a husband and father should be. We are better people and our lives are richer for having known him. Words are inadequate to express what a loss this is for us, exponentially moreso for his beautiful family. We are grateful for the circumstances that joined our lives to his for so long, and grateful to know where he is now.

but it doesn't taste good enough to be candy!

Superman: Can I have a Tic Tac?
Me: Remember how you said you didn't like candy and you weren't going to eat it anymore? Besides, you already had candy.
Superman: Tic Tacs aren't candy!