it'll leave you breathless, or with a nasty scar

Emmett came home from school on Monday just fit to be tied about all the homework he had--hours and hours it was going to take him, all day and all night it was going to take him, and could he please stay home from piano?  No, says I.  So about 7:00 that night he was done, even with the hour-plus errand of piano lessons.  I think he's just so tense about making sure everything gets done that it seems much more overwhelming than it is. 

Grant has his first real basketball game today.  Should be a party.  I'm just glad I had time to cut everybody's hair on Monday, because I didn't want him to look like a caveman for his first game. 

Two different people have commented lately on how well-behaved my kids are, which those of you who have been traveling down this road with us will agree is a gratifying surprise.  I think people have usually liked our kids pretty well, but they could have been accurately described as "challenging."  To be honest, Willa is still pretty naughty--there is a lot of whining and pouting--and Ike is very sweet but also a little bit rascally, so they're hitching on Grant and Emmett's coattails.  But I am certain that great things are in store for them as well. 

Last night was our ward Christmas party, and the Young Women were in charge of decorations, which is SO UNCOOL of them to do to us.  I don't do cutesy decorating things, nor do I wish to, but thankfully I have wonderful counselors and advisers and a good handful of girls even showed up to help, and it turned out really nice.  I hate to say this, but the meat was substandard.  The same guy did it who always does, and he makes the best brisket and ribs, but some genius, I don't know if it was him or not, had the idea to do prime rib last night.  Big mistake.  Prime rib is not something you do for a crowd of 150+ people.  Also the Young Men were in charge of dessert, and that never materialized, so grr to them.  But the funeral potatoes--bereavement potatoes, as a great old lady in our ward calls them--were top-notch.  And at the end of the day, I didn't have to figure out what to cook for dinner, so it's a win, even without dessert. 

so if you've gotta go, you've gotta go through me

Last night we had our Evening of Excellence.  If I didn't have to do Evening of Excellence and New Beginnings my job would be so much easier.  But it was low-key and short, so not too bad I guess.  And it's good for the girls to take a minute and reflect on what they've been doing over the past year to improve themselves mentally, spiritually and physically.  Our theme was "Cultivating Personal Excellence," and each of the girls got up and took a couple of minutes telling us about something they're working on that is helping them cultivate personal excellence.  One of the Mia Maids ran the Wasatch Back, and one of my Laurels saved up enough money to go on a humanitarian aid trip to Peru.  I've got some pretty cool girls, I think.  We had dirt cakes for refreshments.  I am a huge fan of dirt cake.  It's just poor-man's trifle, really, but pudding is a glorious thing and I love it. 

Grant made the basketball team, yay!  So we will need to reschedule his ear surgery until after the season so he doesn't have to miss out on basketball or honor band.  Evidently they don't want you jumping around or blowing in a trumpet when you've got a patch on your eardrum.  FINE. 

Emmett has to come to choir now that he's 12, and he usually hates it, but last week he was actually excited about how he was starting to learn the parts, and he loves one of our Christmas songs.  There's hope for him yet!  All our kids are going to have to learn to sing, so they may as well get used to the idea. 

Ike keeps coming home and saying he has no homework, which makes me suspicious, but also his teacher is kind of an interesting lady we'll say, and so it is possible. 

Willa plays the knuckles song 24-7 and it's making me insane. 

John's knee has still not gotten better. 

fin

let's go with attache

Grant got up in the middle of the night with an earache, and yes, he is a teenager.  So I took him to the doctor and they vacuumed the big wad of wax out of his left ear, but not until we gave him some Versed.  He is kind of a pain on sedatives, so sure that he can walk when he can't.  You think you can do these things, Nemo, but you can't!  And it looks like he still has a hole in his eardrum, so they are going to do surgery to repair it.  I blame John for this--his family is the one with all the ear problems, in case I haven't mentioned it before.

That's all for now.  

and if I said I really knew you well what would your answer be

Well, we're finally done with our summer vacation of vacations.  I think it would be wise if we didn't make quite so merry next year.  But we have really enjoyed ourselves.  My trip to Orlando with John was nice, and John came to Universal and Islands of Adventure with me, so I wasn't quite so forlorn and dorky-looking.  It's super cool and makes me wish all over again that the world of Harry Potter was real.  John rode in a wheelchair the first day there because his knee is taking so long to heal from his meniscus surgery.  It was helpful in shortening our wait times in some regards, but the Forbidden Journey is not really prepared for wheelchair people, so that was a bit of a time-consuming mess.  We ate at the Leaky Cauldron and Three Broomsticks and they are cute little places, but the food is pretty blah.  Another thing we did in Orlando was go to an outlet mall.  There had just been a shooting there, probably because of parking because the people there are SO INCREDIBLY RUDE.

Our last vacation of the summer was to Port Townsend, which is a darling little town that we loved.  On the front and back ends of the trip we stopped in Seattle and partook of the craziness that is Pike Place Market.  I don't remember it being quite so mobbed the previous times we've been there, but that's probably the golden glow of nostalgia talking.  While in Port Townsend we visited the Olympic National Forest and hiked around a little bit in the Hoh Rainforest and to Marymere Falls.  We didn't see any banana slugs our whole trip, sadly.  But we did go to a beautiful beach with great tide pools and saw a whole bunch of sea stars, which we have missed on our trips to Mexico.  We got the best ice cream we've had in a long time from Elevated Ice Cream--they make all their own ice cream and sorbetto and have unusual flavors like Swiss Chocolate Orange and Cardamom (both delicious).  We ate blackberries from wild bushes, fantastic fish and chips from a place called Sea J's, bought a crab and cooked it at home, and played a great deal of Nertz.  Elaine came along and it was so fun to have her.  She is a wonderful traveling companion and we love when she comes on our family vacations--she makes them way better because she helps us be on better behavior.

This week is the county fair, then school starts next Tuesday.  The kids are all way excited.  Grant is raising his sartorial game, which I am digging, and trying cross country to see if that's a good way to get his wiggles for this season.  Emmett is very excited about being a Peer Sports Adviser, which is a highly-coveted job.  He is such a fun, happy kid and I love being with him.  Ike is sad that he doesn't have any friends in his class, but his teacher seems really great, and I think he'll enjoy talking about dogs with her.  Willa has lost her two top front teeth and has a wonderful teacher that Emmett also had, who is very insightful and compassionate and great at inspiring kids to do their best.  It's going to be a terrific year.  Feeling very good about it.

the retrograde plight of a young man asking for a title transfer

Oof, so much time since last I updated.

In June we went to Mexico where we ate paletas and fish tacos like bosses, then we went to the Utah Summer Games where Grant's soccer team took the silver medal in their division, then I went to girls' camp where I got out of crafts by being in the kitchen, then John got knee surgery, then we went to a family reunion near Evanston where we kayaked and rode horses, then we went to another family reunion where we learned how to applaud growth, and that took us into July.

In July we watched fireworks and ate many meats, then Grant and Emmett and John went to scout camp where they got very very dirty, then Grant went to Boston and New York for his cousin trip with Elain where he saw the sights of Boston and went to Wicked and the sacred grove and has returned to us a very sophisticated young man (not really), then we went to another family reunion where we patted ourselves on the back about our kids, who are second cousins, playing so well with each other.  Later this week I'm flying to Orlando to meet John at his work conference and I am going to be the weird lady tooling around Harry Potter land by herself.

In August we are going to Port Townsend, and I think we might try to pop over to Canada for a minute, because why not?  Then it will be the county fair, then school starts, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and so on.

major undeserved award

There is a bird refuge near here, and every year the kids in the local elementary schools draw a picture of a bird and submit it for the chance to do a big version on a street banner.  Grant got to do it when he was young, and both Emmett and Ike got chosen this year, which I am stoked about.  A few days before they drew their pictures I had this conversation with Ike:
Ike:  "I'm going to draw a toucan for my bird picture."
Me:  "Well, I guess you can draw a toucan, but you're supposed to draw birds that live in Utah."
Ike:  "I don't care.  I want a toucan."
Me:  "Okay, but you won't get picked."

Weeks pass, and we get the letters that say Ike and Emmett both get to go draw bird banners.  We went for the party yesterday, and they were having a little bit of trouble finding Ike's original picture.  He didn't remember what the bird's name was, but he remembered that it was black and red and yellow, so of course we all thought, "Oh, a red-winged blackbird," but Ike said, "No, it definitely wasn't that.  I don't remember what it was called, but I'd know it if I saw it."  We had to go through the folder three times before we found his picture, and darn if that little rascal hadn't drawn a toucan, but then written "Lazuli Bunting" at the bottom of the paper.  And I was like, "Nope.  We're drawing the real bird."  The Bunting turned out pretty nice, but Ike did have to threaten to fire me if I didn't stop trying to draw it for him.  Emmett drew a Belted Kingfisher, which he has drawn every year, and he finally won.  The posters go up on June 16th, so if you're in the area keep your eyes peeled for ours.

Willa got her tonsils out last month, and the doctor said they were so huge that if she'd gotten sick it would have been life-threatening.  She was a great patient and only missed a week of school.  She hardly ate any popsicles or ice cream, mostly she just wanted chicken and stars soup.  Stars are the best noodle shape when you're sick.  I can't remember where I bought them and now I am sad because we've eaten the whole package.

well there's no fire in the fireplace, there's no carpet on the floor

Ugh, kids learning to play an instrument are THE WORST.  Maybe I was just as bad when I started piano, but I don't remember resisting counting the music the way my kids all have.  They just plow doggedly ahead, playing it incorrectly, refusing any attempts at correction, and insisting that they are playing it the same way I am.  Spoiler:  THEY'RE NOT.  My experiences with Ike have set back my course for the celestial kingdom by a good five years.  There have been some regrettable words and actions concerning the counting.  Any piano folks out there:  how do you get them to count?  Without murdering them in the process?

Grant is playing early morning basketball at the high school gym three times a week (when he gets up), is doing one last basketball league before summer, and has started spring soccer.  He had to write three poems for his Language Arts class and he was a giant baby about it because he says he hates poetry.  Pfft, who doesn't?  That's rude--some poetry is very nice.  But just like owning a camera doesn't make you a photographer, knowing how to rhyme does not make you a poet.  He recently read the Maze Runner series, and now we're reading "The Jungle" together.  I have warned him that it's going to be a total downer, but he is going to thank me when he gets to a class that makes him read it.

Emmett got up last night to watch the lunar eclipse.  He says it was cool.  He has applied to be a Peer Sports Adviser at school, and we like to imagine that it's not only because he likes to have control over other people.  He loved P.E., except for the wrestling segment, because wrestling is weird.  Who wants to wear a swimsuit and roll around in somebody else's sweat?  Emmett is playing rec soccer and scored last week.  He is reading another of Carl Hiaasen's books--I got him "Hoot" for Christmas, and now he's reading "Chomp."  They seem like a lot of fun.

Ike has started playing comp soccer and wants to wear his uniform all day every day.  He loves school, loves his teacher, and loved taking his core test yesterday.  He wants to play the trombone.  He is a very passionate, tenderhearted and obstinate little fellow.  He likes things to go his way, but not in a spoiled way.  He just doesn't like change or uncertainty, and is very hard to talk down once he gets upset about something.  He is reading "Flush," another by Carl Hiaasen.

Willa is getting her tonsils out next week.  She got tonsillitis a couple of months ago, then got it again a few weeks later, and the swelling never really went down.  Her tonsils are so big I don't know how she eats or breathes.  We would have liked to keep them in, but when your tonsils are not performing their duty, and in fact are actively working against you, then it seems like maybe they should go.  I have had a number of older people say they wish they had gotten theirs out as children because they have so many problems with them now.  Willa, like Bill Cosby before her, is very excited about the popsicles and ice cream and pudding, but I'm sure she will suffer a similar disillusionment when she wakes up from the surgery and finds that the world is naught but misery and woe.  She is also playing rec soccer and scored last week.  I'm going to start her on piano lessons soon so she can eventually move up to the banjo, which is her new obsession after we went into KSM last week to buy guitar picks.  She said, "I can learn to play the song that Frog plays!"  Because she calls Kermit and Miss Piggy "Frog and Pig," which is awesome of her.  She is reading "Little Bear" by Maurice Sendak.  She wants a chapter book with no pictures, so we'll be on the lookout for that.  I don't know if she's ready to read "My Father's Dragon" by herself quite yet, but we could probably read it with her.

I am still practicing the guitar and learning Spanish and attempting to be a halfway decent Young Women's president.  Nothing else too exciting.

John is coaching Willa's soccer team and has grown some pointy sideburns that some people say make him look like he's in a play.  He is still the Primary chorister and still feels like it's the best job in the church.

Groceries keeps barfing on the floor, Rex keeps being good, the goats are pregnant, the chickens are not laying eggs, and the rabbits and bees are all still alive.

blacker than night were the eyes of felina

Boy, if only I had a dollar for every time I've called John to say, "Read my blog and see if it's offensive."

Grant is doing basketball like always, and soccer.  He did Honor Band last week, his birthday is this week and he can't think of anything he wants because he is "at the age where everything sucks."  Poor lamb.  He is doing well in school and is trying to become a quadruple threat--academics, athletics, music and something else as yet undetermined.  I will try to steer him toward "treating others kindly."

Emmett is trying to bear his burden of crooked refs at the intermediate school who seem determined to hold back Emmett's handball and dodgeball teams.  He is trying to get away with as little piano practice as possible.  We are going to get him some solid foam tires so he can start riding his bike again.  He is also doing well in school, even though he has to write essays in Language Arts and he hates writing essays because they are so dumb and they are about the dumbest things, even grandma agrees it's a stupid topic.

Ike is trying to train to swim in the Utah Summer Games, and has started playing competitive soccer.  Grant does it for the shoes; Ike does it for the jerseys.  He is pretty willing to practice his piano.  He is doing better in school now that he doesn't hold a book inside his textbook and read while he's supposed to be working.

Willa has had tonsillitis twice in the past month, and her tonsils are still almost touching in the back, but we are going to do our best to prevent a relapse.  She thinks her voice "sounds cuter now," and I was like "Um, that's a bunch of snot in your throat making you sound like that."  She loves her school teacher and I am so, so thankful we transferred her out of that other class.  She has excelled in this class and progressed really quickly.  She'd probably still be trying to figure out how to read her first sight word page if she hadn't switched.

John and the boys went to Mexico to help build a house for a family whose house burned down on Christmas Eve.  It's through a charity run by John's former boss, and they all loved it and are begging to go on the family trip in June, but I think we'll wait until next year when Willa will be old enough to come along as well.  But we are going back to Mexico this summer--just not to build a house.  I love Mexico!  Finally our stupid time shares are starting to pay off.

whoops there goes another rubber tree plant

John and the boys went to Mexico last week to build houses for a charity run by one of John's friends.  He takes a group of people, sometimes families, sometimes fathers-and-sons, sometimes corporate groups, down to Tijuana about nine or ten times a year and builds houses for people.  Nothing fancy, but with a cement floor, running water and electricity.  Emmett and Ike were not technically old enough to go, but they got permission and it turned out just fine.  Grant impressed everybody, and people were saying to John, "I can tell you guys live on a farm, because that boy can work."  Ha, not really.  There are some farm boys around here--the ones that live on real farms, not this loser of a fantasy farm experiment we're conducting--who would put Grant to shame in a big hurry.  One boy in particular who just left on his mission would be basically like having Thor help you build a house.  But if Grant can outwork a bunch of doughy subdivision boys then my mission is successful.  Emmett and Ike didn't quite blow everybody away with their sheer brute strength, but they were good, willing helpers, and I'm sure they'll come into their own.

Willa and I hung out here and didn't do anything too exciting.  We went to a toy store, got some horrible Chinese food, went to the Idle Isle candy store, helped my mom make 300+ cinnamon rolls for a wedding reception, and watched a fair amount of figure skating.  She and Ike have dreams of skating in the Olympics, which is neat.  They can put them on the dream shelf next to Grant's of playing in the NBA.  Emmett does not have any such pie-in-the-sky hopes, because he is eminently practical.

how could she treat us so thoughtlessly

This weekend we went up to visit Grandma Maxine, and stopped to say hey to Grandma Herd while we were at it.  Ike wants to follow my uncle Craig around the ranch like a little puppy dog and "help" him do all the chores.  I joked about having Ike go do a ranch internship there when he graduates from high school, but we all know that John and I have robbed our children of the opportunity to learn thrift and industry, so he would probably be the worst intern ever, aside from me.  Grant got introduced to both "Downton Abbey" and "Sherlock" in the same night and is now obsessed and ready to jettison "Agents of Shield" in favor of watching through the "Sherlock" catalog.  I think he could tell that it was Grown Up television and it made him feel smart.  I always love visiting Grandma Maxine, because it reminds me that if you are awesome people will visit you even if you don't have an enormous fancypants house.  We are holdouts, Grandma and I, with our cute little old houses.

Grandma Herd is motoring along like usual, and seems to finally be getting over the awful cough she got over Christmas, so I guess it wasn't whooping cough after all, which means all the weird anti-vaccine people in Utah County have not earned painful retribution from me . . . yet.  Emmett and Ike and Willa climbed the mountain while John and Grant and I visited with Grandma and lamented our respective ward choir difficulties.  The kids didn't bring back any reports of dead deer in the cave, but the season is young yet, and so far the winter has been mild, so there's still a chance.  Grandma let the kids pick a little present, and the boys each got one of Grandpa's pocketknives.  I like that they'll have a little something to remember Grandpa by.  Grant has already had his taken away and a figurative corner torn off his Totin' Chip (oh, the unending lameness of the Boy Scout dialect) because he insisted on playing with it open on the leather couches.

Emmett and Ike are finally going to start swimming again, which is good, because they are both little slug people.  Willa is playing basketball and is so self-conscious that she runs around on her tiptoes during the games.  I'm glad we're addressing this now, because I was forever turned off of sports when my friend teased me about the terrible layup I did when I was thirteen.  I don't want Willa to feel like failure once means failure always.  If we can keep our kids from becoming locked in a fixed mindset it will be a monumental achievement.