and if I said I really knew you well what would your answer be

Well, we're finally done with our summer vacation of vacations.  I think it would be wise if we didn't make quite so merry next year.  But we have really enjoyed ourselves.  My trip to Orlando with John was nice, and John came to Universal and Islands of Adventure with me, so I wasn't quite so forlorn and dorky-looking.  It's super cool and makes me wish all over again that the world of Harry Potter was real.  John rode in a wheelchair the first day there because his knee is taking so long to heal from his meniscus surgery.  It was helpful in shortening our wait times in some regards, but the Forbidden Journey is not really prepared for wheelchair people, so that was a bit of a time-consuming mess.  We ate at the Leaky Cauldron and Three Broomsticks and they are cute little places, but the food is pretty blah.  Another thing we did in Orlando was go to an outlet mall.  There had just been a shooting there, probably because of parking because the people there are SO INCREDIBLY RUDE.

Our last vacation of the summer was to Port Townsend, which is a darling little town that we loved.  On the front and back ends of the trip we stopped in Seattle and partook of the craziness that is Pike Place Market.  I don't remember it being quite so mobbed the previous times we've been there, but that's probably the golden glow of nostalgia talking.  While in Port Townsend we visited the Olympic National Forest and hiked around a little bit in the Hoh Rainforest and to Marymere Falls.  We didn't see any banana slugs our whole trip, sadly.  But we did go to a beautiful beach with great tide pools and saw a whole bunch of sea stars, which we have missed on our trips to Mexico.  We got the best ice cream we've had in a long time from Elevated Ice Cream--they make all their own ice cream and sorbetto and have unusual flavors like Swiss Chocolate Orange and Cardamom (both delicious).  We ate blackberries from wild bushes, fantastic fish and chips from a place called Sea J's, bought a crab and cooked it at home, and played a great deal of Nertz.  Elaine came along and it was so fun to have her.  She is a wonderful traveling companion and we love when she comes on our family vacations--she makes them way better because she helps us be on better behavior.

This week is the county fair, then school starts next Tuesday.  The kids are all way excited.  Grant is raising his sartorial game, which I am digging, and trying cross country to see if that's a good way to get his wiggles for this season.  Emmett is very excited about being a Peer Sports Adviser, which is a highly-coveted job.  He is such a fun, happy kid and I love being with him.  Ike is sad that he doesn't have any friends in his class, but his teacher seems really great, and I think he'll enjoy talking about dogs with her.  Willa has lost her two top front teeth and has a wonderful teacher that Emmett also had, who is very insightful and compassionate and great at inspiring kids to do their best.  It's going to be a terrific year.  Feeling very good about it.

the retrograde plight of a young man asking for a title transfer

Oof, so much time since last I updated.

In June we went to Mexico where we ate paletas and fish tacos like bosses, then we went to the Utah Summer Games where Grant's soccer team took the silver medal in their division, then I went to girls' camp where I got out of crafts by being in the kitchen, then John got knee surgery, then we went to a family reunion near Evanston where we kayaked and rode horses, then we went to another family reunion where we learned how to applaud growth, and that took us into July.

In July we watched fireworks and ate many meats, then Grant and Emmett and John went to scout camp where they got very very dirty, then Grant went to Boston and New York for his cousin trip with Elain where he saw the sights of Boston and went to Wicked and the sacred grove and has returned to us a very sophisticated young man (not really), then we went to another family reunion where we patted ourselves on the back about our kids, who are second cousins, playing so well with each other.  Later this week I'm flying to Orlando to meet John at his work conference and I am going to be the weird lady tooling around Harry Potter land by herself.

In August we are going to Port Townsend, and I think we might try to pop over to Canada for a minute, because why not?  Then it will be the county fair, then school starts, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, and so on.

blacker than night were the eyes of felina

Boy, if only I had a dollar for every time I've called John to say, "Read my blog and see if it's offensive."

Grant is doing basketball like always, and soccer.  He did Honor Band last week, his birthday is this week and he can't think of anything he wants because he is "at the age where everything sucks."  Poor lamb.  He is doing well in school and is trying to become a quadruple threat--academics, athletics, music and something else as yet undetermined.  I will try to steer him toward "treating others kindly."

Emmett is trying to bear his burden of crooked refs at the intermediate school who seem determined to hold back Emmett's handball and dodgeball teams.  He is trying to get away with as little piano practice as possible.  We are going to get him some solid foam tires so he can start riding his bike again.  He is also doing well in school, even though he has to write essays in Language Arts and he hates writing essays because they are so dumb and they are about the dumbest things, even grandma agrees it's a stupid topic.

Ike is trying to train to swim in the Utah Summer Games, and has started playing competitive soccer.  Grant does it for the shoes; Ike does it for the jerseys.  He is pretty willing to practice his piano.  He is doing better in school now that he doesn't hold a book inside his textbook and read while he's supposed to be working.

Willa has had tonsillitis twice in the past month, and her tonsils are still almost touching in the back, but we are going to do our best to prevent a relapse.  She thinks her voice "sounds cuter now," and I was like "Um, that's a bunch of snot in your throat making you sound like that."  She loves her school teacher and I am so, so thankful we transferred her out of that other class.  She has excelled in this class and progressed really quickly.  She'd probably still be trying to figure out how to read her first sight word page if she hadn't switched.

John and the boys went to Mexico to help build a house for a family whose house burned down on Christmas Eve.  It's through a charity run by John's former boss, and they all loved it and are begging to go on the family trip in June, but I think we'll wait until next year when Willa will be old enough to come along as well.  But we are going back to Mexico this summer--just not to build a house.  I love Mexico!  Finally our stupid time shares are starting to pay off.

whoops there goes another rubber tree plant

John and the boys went to Mexico last week to build houses for a charity run by one of John's friends.  He takes a group of people, sometimes families, sometimes fathers-and-sons, sometimes corporate groups, down to Tijuana about nine or ten times a year and builds houses for people.  Nothing fancy, but with a cement floor, running water and electricity.  Emmett and Ike were not technically old enough to go, but they got permission and it turned out just fine.  Grant impressed everybody, and people were saying to John, "I can tell you guys live on a farm, because that boy can work."  Ha, not really.  There are some farm boys around here--the ones that live on real farms, not this loser of a fantasy farm experiment we're conducting--who would put Grant to shame in a big hurry.  One boy in particular who just left on his mission would be basically like having Thor help you build a house.  But if Grant can outwork a bunch of doughy subdivision boys then my mission is successful.  Emmett and Ike didn't quite blow everybody away with their sheer brute strength, but they were good, willing helpers, and I'm sure they'll come into their own.

Willa and I hung out here and didn't do anything too exciting.  We went to a toy store, got some horrible Chinese food, went to the Idle Isle candy store, helped my mom make 300+ cinnamon rolls for a wedding reception, and watched a fair amount of figure skating.  She and Ike have dreams of skating in the Olympics, which is neat.  They can put them on the dream shelf next to Grant's of playing in the NBA.  Emmett does not have any such pie-in-the-sky hopes, because he is eminently practical.

how could she treat us so thoughtlessly

This weekend we went up to visit Grandma Maxine, and stopped to say hey to Grandma Herd while we were at it.  Ike wants to follow my uncle Craig around the ranch like a little puppy dog and "help" him do all the chores.  I joked about having Ike go do a ranch internship there when he graduates from high school, but we all know that John and I have robbed our children of the opportunity to learn thrift and industry, so he would probably be the worst intern ever, aside from me.  Grant got introduced to both "Downton Abbey" and "Sherlock" in the same night and is now obsessed and ready to jettison "Agents of Shield" in favor of watching through the "Sherlock" catalog.  I think he could tell that it was Grown Up television and it made him feel smart.  I always love visiting Grandma Maxine, because it reminds me that if you are awesome people will visit you even if you don't have an enormous fancypants house.  We are holdouts, Grandma and I, with our cute little old houses.

Grandma Herd is motoring along like usual, and seems to finally be getting over the awful cough she got over Christmas, so I guess it wasn't whooping cough after all, which means all the weird anti-vaccine people in Utah County have not earned painful retribution from me . . . yet.  Emmett and Ike and Willa climbed the mountain while John and Grant and I visited with Grandma and lamented our respective ward choir difficulties.  The kids didn't bring back any reports of dead deer in the cave, but the season is young yet, and so far the winter has been mild, so there's still a chance.  Grandma let the kids pick a little present, and the boys each got one of Grandpa's pocketknives.  I like that they'll have a little something to remember Grandpa by.  Grant has already had his taken away and a figurative corner torn off his Totin' Chip (oh, the unending lameness of the Boy Scout dialect) because he insisted on playing with it open on the leather couches.

Emmett and Ike are finally going to start swimming again, which is good, because they are both little slug people.  Willa is playing basketball and is so self-conscious that she runs around on her tiptoes during the games.  I'm glad we're addressing this now, because I was forever turned off of sports when my friend teased me about the terrible layup I did when I was thirteen.  I don't want Willa to feel like failure once means failure always.  If we can keep our kids from becoming locked in a fixed mindset it will be a monumental achievement.

but sadly we just left rhode island

Last weekend we had our final family reunion for the year, sniff.  I love my family in all its multitude and it makes me sad we don't see each other more often.  I rode a horse for a minute.  I stubbed the crap out of my toe on a stump and thought maybe I broke it, but it turns out not.  I got a 91 on my BB shooting attempt, which I think is good but not great, but I'm not sure.  I think I overheard a conversation defending whaling, but I chose to remove myself from the situation rather than end up in an argument.  There was a brief game of what was called fireball, which is exactly what it sounds like, which was shut down by some killjoys who didn't want to set the borrowed mountain ablaze.  I got a sweet hat that belonged to my grandpa, and I must say, I look way foxy in it.  My cousin's fifteen-year-old son is 6' 4 1/2" and Grant standing next to him looks like he's next to the World's Tallest Man.  It seriously looks like photoshop.  I feel a little jealous of all the talls in my family. 

Grant is at scout camp, probably being initiated into all sorts of unspeakable teenage behaviors.  I have done such a good job of dissing BSA at our house that I've had to backtrack a little and defend it for the good life skills it teaches, aside from just knots and fires.  Overall I guess it's a decent program to be involved in, but I sure as heck am not going to hold any of my kids hostage and say they aren't getting a driver's license until they get their Eagle.  I mean, how dumb.  What in the world do Eagle Scout awards have to do with driving?  Parents, if you're doing that, stop it.  Read a parenting book that talks about natural and logical consequences. 

Emmett went on a 14-mile bike ride the other day along the highway.  Ugh, the highway.  Why can't we have a bike path in this place?  It's nothing but cyclists from dawn to dusk in the summer, and how many of them need to be hit and killed before we figure out they need some room?  At least Emmett wears a helmet, so if he does get hit by some texting jackass he will have a lovely, intact head atop his mangled body. 

Ike cut his foot open again today, because: aggressive researcher.  It was only a small cut, even though he was bleeding like a stuck pig.  I predict that the infrequency of his shoe wearing will not be affected. 

Willa has worn a hole through the mitten.  I might have to make a new one.  At the reunion we took it off for a family picture, and her hand is all pale and white like a cave fish, so she said that she wants a mitten for both hands so they'll be the same color.  But she's singing a different tune now, and all of the sudden wants the mitten OFF.  Well, hoss, this is the choice you made all those times we told you to take your fingers out of your mouth and you refused. 

behold, I come as a thief

Yesterday after Grant and Ike got done with basketball and Emmett was done with piano we went to a water park in Salt Lake to hang out with our friends the McAllisters.  We had a lot of fun, but I don't want to talk about that right now.  I want to complain about how poorly run it is instead.  So, there is one drinking fountain in the entire park, and it was out of order.  You could stand in line to get cups and water from one of the coolers they had filled with warm water, but most of those were empty, so there wasn't much point.  So have fun being dehydrated, which is probably a good thing anyway, because of the eight or ten toilets in the only women's restroom, four were out of order, so at all times of the day there was a minimum ten-minute wait in the line to use the bathroom.  I mean, people pee in the pool even in optimal bathroom situations, what are they going to do when there's only one bathroom and it has a ten-minute wait?  Also it has been so long since the floor was mopped that there are layers of sedimentary filth deposits around the drains in the bathroom floor--grass, mud, ancient toilet paper, and unnameable mystery substances.  Then toward the end of the day someone stole our triple tube, which is angering since they cost so much money.  John went to the tube rental place to seek redress, both of us assuming there would not be any, but we enjoy participating in social experiments. 

John:  "Hi, my wife rented tubes, and somebody came and stole our triple tube, so we were wondering if you could give us a replacement." 
Tube Rental Person:  "No, sorry.  It's against company policy." 
John:  "It's against company policy to give somebody a replacement tube when theirs gets stolen?" 
TRP:  "Yeah, we can't do anything." 
John:  "But she already paid a lot of money for it, and now we can't use it because somebody took it, and you can't get us a new one?  There's like a half hour left before you close, and you can't just let us use a new tube?" 
TRP:  "No, it's company policy." 
John:  "But I just barely got here, and I want to go on the slides with my kids.  Can't you bend company policy at all?"
TRP:  "No, sorry." 
John:  "So we just don't get to go on the slides, because somebody came and took our tube.  That we already paid for." 
TRP:  "There's just nothing we can do." 
John:  "So what you're saying is that I'd be an idiot to rent tubes, because if we do, someone will just take them and you won't do anything to make it right, so we won't get to use them anyway.  So if we do want tubes we should just take somebody else's, because that way I get a tube for sure, and it doesn't cost me any money.  Then if somebody comes and steals that one, I just steal another one, because that's what everybody does, and there are no consequences if we do.  That's what you're saying.  That no one should rent tubes, we should steal them.  You realize that's the behavior you're encouraging." 
TRP:  "I don't know, we just can't do anything to help you." 
John:  "Okay, I guess we'll go steal a tube then." 
TRP:  shrugs

So we walked over to the lazy river and saw a triple tube leaning against a fence and Willa said, "Hey, we could use that tube!"  So, since it was all by itself with no stuff around it marking it at all (unlike ours, which had had towels draped over it and was sitting directly on our stuff) it seemed likely that it was one of the many that people leave lying around when they leave the park.  John grabbed it and even though we figured they'd let him ride with Willa on a triple instead of a double, we wanted to continue the experiment.  So he went back to the tube rental place and said, "Hi.  I have a triple tube that I want to exchange for a double and a single."  The guy he'd talked to was talking to some other employees, and when he turned around and saw John he started to laugh, turned his back and elbowed his friends, then started whispering and pointing at John.  I think he enjoyed John's moxie.  They exchanged our poached tube and John and Willa had a delightful time riding slides for the next twenty minutes until the park closed.  So it was a very fun day, but I do wish the park were managed and maintained better. 

kenny, that song sucks

We went to the Utah Summer Games so Grant could play in them with his soccer team.  It was a lot more fun and less hot than I feared it would be, and we ate some amazing food--my favorite was the pizza cart.  Pizza from a cart!  I love America.  Plus so much shaved ice.  Grant had a lot of fun, aside from the time when I guess his blood sugar was low or something because he called us from the opening ceremonies mad enough to spit nails, going on about how everyone on his team is mean to him and wouldn't share their pizza because they're mean to him ALL THE TIME and the music was too loud and it was boring and there was nothing to do and he just wanted to go get a shaved ice WHY CAN'T WE GO GET A SHAVED ICE etcetera, but we stayed and watched the fireworks and took him for shaved ice afterward like we'd already agreed, and within moments of getting that sweet nectar of life inside him he was happy and explaining how great he gets along with his team, and I just threw up my hands.  He likes things right now. 

Emmett and Ike and Willa are in swimming lessons and are little merpeople. 

We had a family reunion last weekend and it was great, even better because we weren't trapped in the same house with each other 24-7, because no matter how well you get along, and no matter how much we love Elizabeth's family's magical ranch, too much togetherness can be exhausting.  We went to Lagoon on Monday and it was lovely weather, and the kids bounced around like pinballs with their cousins. 

We're trying to think of a fun, cheap place to go for a family vacation this year, since we already spent a bunch of money going to Cedar City--we had a freeway miracle that saved our lives, but still cost 800 smackers give or take to replace our bald, metal-showing tires.  I'd like to go to a national park. 

do you even know about wearing a fur fox skin? I doubt it

Ah, the last days of the school year, the time when our morning arguments reach Intensity Level Orange.  I fought with Ike about how he was carrying his lunch to school (in his hand--to keep from dropping the orange and juice he just ate them, leaving himself with only a sandwich for lunch) and with Grant about how he was dressed (in basketball shorts--he refused to change until it was too late, so now I guess he'll get to stay home from basketball next Tuesday, since he can't tell which situations are appropriate for exercise-wear and which aren't).  Neither one of them responded verbally to my irritated "I LOVE YOU.  GO AWAY." as they moped out the door to catch the bus.  I fought with Emmett about his ingratitude for the field trip to a Bees baseball game ("It was so hot the sweat was dripping down my legs, and it was so loud I couldn't even talk to anybody, and as soon as I got on the bus the DS ran out of batteries . . . "), and with Willa about sucking her fingers and constantly sneaking over to the neighbors' house to eat shocking amounts of garbage food.  I don't know why I think it will solve my problems to have them home with me more, but it is what it is.  We all need a break. 

Yesterday the fifth grade had their Crystal Springs trip, when they ride their bikes to Crystal Springs and play there all day.  I was already at the school to drop off Emmett's bike and do Willa's kindergarten assessment--no worries, she passed--so I joined some of the other parents and helped the bike caravan on a couple of the tricky parts where they have to cross the highway.  When we got there one of the other moms said, "Aren't you staying?  You should stay!"  So I thought about it, and then called Troy and asked her if she wanted to go, then I called Aleece and asked if she wanted to go, so we all went to Crystal Springs and I didn't have to pay because I was there with the school, and I even went down the slide a few times, and I pretty much didn't see Willa all day she was having so much fun.  I haven't been there since we barely moved here, and the time before that I was in high school.  There are no stairs missing on the stairway to the slides anymore, so that's an improvement.  Oh, Crystal Springs, you crazy cat. 

Emmett had his first piano recital last night, the little buddy.  He did a good job, and was the only one whose piece was memorized.  He was frustrated that he made five mistakes.  I am so pleased with the progress he has made just since November.  It's almost like having a good teacher and practicing make a difference.  Afterward his teacher (who was my teacher and all my sisters' teacher, and she is the best teacher in the whole world) sent us all into the kitchen where she had an embarrassment of Idle Isle chocolates and little boxes to pack full of the chocolates.  She is the coolest. 

The boys are all at Fathers and Sons, and Willa and I hung out last night and partied like it was going out of style.  As soon as the boys left I asked Willa what she wanted to do, and she asked, "Can we go to the park?"  So we went to the playground at Bunderson, since we were already parked there for Emmett's recital.  Then she wanted to go to Adams Park, so we did.  Then she wanted to go to Horsley Park, so we did.  Then she wanted to go to Snow Park, so we were on our way, and she said, "Actually, can we go shopping instead of go to the park?"  I asked her where she wanted to go shopping, and she said Smith's.  So we went to Smith's, and I let her get one of those dumb little car carts that are such a pain to drive, and she pointed where to go, and we went all over the store, and I let her buy garbage food, since that is her love language.  We got Cheetos, some sucker/powder candy thing, Campbell's Disney Princess soup, baby Haagen Dazs ice creams, and we also got some healthy food (pickles for her and pitted Kalamata olives for me).  We also looked at the mylar balloons and went down the card aisle because she wanted to find one that made noise.  Then we came home and ate our stuff--soup for her and two Nathan's hot dogs in one bun for me because I LOVE THOSE HOT DOGS--then read a story and went to bed.  I bet it was the greatest day of her life.  I have to say, I love having a daughter.  She is a good little friend. 

where's the jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?

We spent the holiday weekend visiting family--my two remaining grandmas and John's parents.  It wasn't exactly a day of service, but it was still a good thing to do, we think.  Idaho is, as ever, entirely too cold.  I am amazed by my grandma, but I am thankful to not be a cattle rancher.  It is an unforgiving career. 

Grant's quest to fill every moment of his time (that he's not playing video games or teasing his siblings) with basketball and soccer continues apace.  I am trying to learn more about basketball so I can yell intelligent things at his games.  I now know what it means to set a pick, and can recognize when it is being done.  This is progress.  There is no mold growing on Grant's margarine and butter experiment, and we are feeling sad and disappointed. 

Emmett has discovered the Riordan universe and is happily plowing through them.  He loved the Benedict Society book I bought him for Christmas, and has tasked me (like that corporate-speak?) with reading it.  He loves piano and enjoys swimming, which we haven't paid for yet this month, so I guess we are squatters. 

Ike alternates between shaky compliance and sulky defiance.  He was sad the other day when he saw a picture of a wolf that had been hunted and killed, but what if the wolf had eaten one of his stuffed animals, maybe Sealie (a seal)?  What then? 

Willa is sucking her fingers again because I guess she wants buck teeth.  This makes me very angry. 

you better stop the things that you do

Here are some pictures from our California vacation.  We left on a Friday afternoon and the kids had found all of their Waldos before we even hit St. George.  I told them the story about how Brigham Young hated the steeple of the St. George temple, but they put it on anyway, and then after Brigham Young died lightning struck the steeple and burned it down.  I actually sang the story to the tune of "I Love to See the Temple" because I'm talented like that.  

We drove them down the Strip so they could see what a weird, wild place Las Vegas is.  They were suitably impressed by the architecture, especially Caesar's Palace.  

 Our boys enjoyed the ABYSMAL breakfast at our hotel in Henderson.

We went to Little Corona del Mar beach and looked at the tide pools.  They were pretty good.  I'm just glad we got a picture of Emmett crouching like Gollum. 

Ike is being rakishly handsome.  

Willa being a good sport about the many sharp rocks and her being shoeless.  She never quite got brave enough to touch an anemone.  

We found this weird bug about the size of a June bug crawling around on the patio of our rental house, which we quite enjoyed and would use again.  

Grant and Landon are psyched for Small World.  

Willa on the BORING carousel.  Lagoon's is way better.  Even King Triton's carousel has different kinds of sea creatures.  Get it together, Fantasyland!

Our children look like demons in the courtyard of Medieval Times.  

Emmett got barfy sick and missed out on a few days of our fun times.  Thank goodness we got those four-day tickets.  He finally got better and enjoyed the Lego store very much.  

This is the best picture we got of our whole family, thanks to Ike and Willa being weirdos.  

We even took a picture with some princesses, but only because the line was so short. Don't get me started on princesses.  

ESPECIALLY Ariel.  Ariel is probably my least favorite princess of all.  She's ungrateful and sells her most precious attribute to get the attention of an inconstant, weak-minded boy.  She and Eric deserve each other.  

I hate when my pictures won't rotate.  This is Willa's macaroni at the Cafe Orleans.  I am so easily pleased.  The slightest incremental improvement over blue box is much applauded, and this was quite good macaroni.  

And this is the Monte Cristo that I ate and enjoyed every bite of, but I think it might still be in my stomach.  John and Richard took the boys and Emma to the beach, and Jenny and I were there with just Kate and Willa, and I decided to seize the day, since it would probably be a long, long time before I was in Disneyland without so many kids that eating at a restaurant would bankrupt me.  So Jenny and I ate our terrible, wonderful sandwiches and saw our works that they were  good.  

It was a wonderful vacation.  The drive wasn't nearly as horrifying as I feared, we had a great house with plenty of room to kick around in, we were there with great friends, and we left right as Kate and Willa were starting to come apart from all their missed sleep.  Just the right amount of time.  I would do it again.  

but you don't need to use the claw when you pick a pear from the big pawpaw

My friend Jennifer, whom you may know better as the Tipsy Baker, was here this weekend with her father to go on a tour of the temple.  I am quite fond of our little temple, and I was excited to share it with her.  I'm glad we've been able to usher and clean and take care of it, because it's made me feel much more proprietary of it, like that fish with the bubbles in Finding Nemo.

Saturday was Ike's baptism, and it was delightful.  When John finished saying the prayer and started to dunk him, Ike just started to do it himself, without plugging his nose or anything, like, "I've got this, Dad.  Just let me do it."  John was pushing Ike's hand up to his face to get him to plug his nose, and Ike kept pushing his hand away, and they sort of struggled back and forth like people in movies when they clash swords, until Ike figured out what was going on.  It's always an adventure when we have a baptism.  When Emmett was baptized John forgot to confirm him a member of the church, so we had to do it over.  A bunch of our family was missing from the baptism and/or luncheon, so I hate them now.  I will not be leaving any of them a goat in my will.  Well, maybe Steven and Elizabeth, because they were valiant and came up for the baptism even though they had to leave right after.  Half a goat for them.

Grant got a spot on our neighbor's basketball team, which is a relief.  Todd (we call him Toddles, but not to his face, because he might think we are weird, which is not true) is such a great coach, very patient and kind, and since Grant's other coach is moving we were sort of at loose ends.

Emmett is on the student council at the elementary school, which means he's one of the kids who turned in an application.  He's already beginning to see that the majority of the people have no interest in self-governance!

Willa's rake fell out again, but I think she's fixed.  She hasn't been putting her hands in her mouth at all.  Hopefully she'll be busy enough writing letters and cutting out shapes that she won't have time to regress.

taste the soup

Our lesson this Sunday is on dating and living a virtuous life, which is fraught with danger, but I feel fairly secure in the hands of my Laurels adviser.  She's a smart, good lady who agrees with me in large part about how and what we should teach our girls.  I get awfully tired of people thinking that our  responsibility to do right by each other means that we are then responsible when people choose to misbehave.  I get tired of girls being told not to give in to peer pressure, except when "a worthy young man" tells her how she should act and dress. Why should his opinion matter more than her other friends', or hers, or Heavenly Father's?  Answer:  it shouldn't.  Pfft.  I get tired of immodesty being explained as how someone dresses, not how they behave.  I get tired of the idea that a young woman should strive to be virtuous for the benefit of young men, not herself. There are some weird folk doctrines that bounce around in our youth curriculum, and I'm going to do my best to replace them with truth.  Wish me luck.

We're doling out fines and bonuses for this week's pay period.  It may surprise you to learn that all of the children tend to earn more fines than bonuses.  Some of this week's fines include being creepy to siblings, licking toys, and lazy dishwashing.

Last night I was ushering at the temple, and I got to be in the Celestial room with my parents for a couple of hours.  It was very nice.  I've got to say, the Brigham City temple is one of the most beautiful I've ever seen.  It reminds me in places of the Salt Lake temple.  I feel so bad for the Logan temple, because it's so incredible outside, and just awful in places on the inside, with terrible ceiling tiles and bizarre traffic patterns.  I've always wanted my kids to be sealed there, because so many generations of our family have, but the Brigham temple would not be a bad substitute.

what is with all the spiders?

I swear our nine months on/three months off school schedule is inspired, because right about the time I think I'm going to spontaneously combust from the sheer irritation of having my kids around me all the time, fighting and teasing and begging and talking and laughing, boom.  School starts.  Then when I can't take another day of forcing them out of bed, making breakfast and lunch at the same time, and willing them out the door just in time to barely catch the bus, boom.  School's out again.  It's a miracle.  I love those little monsters, and the time we spend both with and without each other is vital.  They were all just as ready as I was for school to start, and now here I sit, practically an empty nester.  They were so cute getting on the bus this morning.  Willa was worried last night about going to school with people she doesn't know, but we reminded her that she didn't know her preschool friends at first, either.  Ugh, girl problems.  It's going to be a party. 


I gave the boys haircuts yesterday so they'd look all fresh and nice for the first day of school.  They're pretty handsome.  I'd love to show you a picture of how cute they all looked this morning, even though Willa's hair wasn't combed yet, but that stupid cord that transfers pictures has gone missing again, of course, so I guess you'll just have to imagine it. 


Last night for our last hurrah we got some shower curtains at Ikea, then picked John up from work and got Real Tacos for dinner and ate them on the lawn at the Utah State Capitol.  Then we went inside and looked around the building, which is old and opulent and gorgeous.  My kids hadn't been inside it before, and they were suitably impressed.  Then we got Nielsen's frozen custard, and all was right with the world.

some must push and some must pull

Our ward and the other two wards in our town did a pioneer trek last week, and John and I were a Pa and Ma for it.  We did it once before when we lived in Lehi, and it was such tremendous fun that we jumped at the chance to do it again.  Plus I am descended on two sides from people who were in the rescue party that went after the Willie and Martin handcart companies, so it was a good chance for me to reflect on how I'm doing, and if I've lived my life such that I could be depended on to go after someone who's struggling.  Maybe not, because we got dynamite kids assigned to us.  Maybe Heavenly Father knew if I got weaklings I'd crush their tentative little testimonies.  There's nothing so bad that complaining won't make it worse, and I'd be all, "Here's how it's going to go down.  Shut up.  Stop being a baby.  Start pushing this handcart, or we're going to send you home."  I am not so much with the nurturing, and I cannot abide a whiner.  I mean, it's not like they're eating two ounces of flour and having their hair freeze to the ground or their frostbitten feet chopped off with a butcher knife.  Some idiot kid was prowling around every night throwing dirt clods at tents and stealing stuff (maxi pads, even--just stealing to steal, then, are we?) and of course there were people shouting and carrying on until late at night, and girls trying to sleep in the boys' tents (all of these in other people's families), but all in all we had very few problems.  We walked fifteen miles on the first day, seven miles on the second, and only three miles on the third so we could return the handcarts.  And I didn't die or get dehydrated or get blisters or NUTHIN.  Go me! 

I love treks because it's so interesting to see how adversity, even minimal, manufactured adversity, affects people.  Some people start out as pukes and reform, some start out awesome and turn into pukes, some are awesome from start to finish, and some go home the same puke they were when they left, only they've annoyed way more people than usual.  I was really pleased with our little trek family.  My favorite people in the world are the ones who just do what they're supposed to with a good attitude, and that's what they did.  They pushed the handcart all day long, and as they pushed they sang.

Grant went too, since he's over twelve now, and he seemed to enjoy himself.  Of course he's too young to really grasp what a feat the handcart migration was, but there were enough opportunities to think about why they did what they did, and the importance of eternal families, that maybe some of it sank in. 

and flagged the train

Grant's new soccer team won a tournament last week.  It was gratifying.

Willa is getting her dental rake put in today.  She is going to be so angry.

Emmett sprained his wrist in a bike crash.  He is healing.

Ike is unharmed, but sulky if he doesn't get his way.  We are reading Charlotte's Web with him, and he is going to be A MESS at the end.

We had a fantastic family vacation on a ranch last week, and I want to move there.

and I will always be that way

Last night we went to The Secret World of Arrietty at the dollar theater (excellent film, highly recommend, especially if you have girls who you worry about having their brains eaten by the princess culture, shut up princess culture).  Then we got some "food" at a "restaurant;" we will not speak of it.

We came home to our filthy house--filthy because I had been working outside and birthday shopping (for Emmett) while the kids were at school, and also because we are pigs--and on the counter was a plate of cookies from Emmett's primary teacher.  Now, this is not about me, this is about the people in our ward, but I do feel sad that the scene that greeted Yvonne, who is a very neat and collected person, was three overflowing baskets of laundry on the living room couch and a kitchen in which every horizontal surface was covered in dirty dishes.  But I love that we came home to cookies.  What a wonderful place to live.  What wonderful people!  I just want to squeeze Yvonne to pieces.  She is so great, and writes letters to thank people who speak in Sacrament, and birthday cards to the children in her Primary class, and she bears a humble, insightful testimony almost every month.  On Sunday I was sitting in church listening to people bear their testimonies, and I had an overwhelming sense of the goodness of my friends and neighbors.  We are surrounded by such kind, selfless, hardworking and generous people.

Yes, I know, I was just saying on the other blog that I hate my town.  Well, that day I did.  Believe me, I did.  But on Sunday I was reminded how much I love it here.

with the pumped-up kicks

When we were driving home from church after Grant was ordained a deacon, he was trying to get Willa to share her candy she got in church (because she ALWAYS gets candy in church--how are we supposed to have fat children if we don't give them candy every hour of every day?), and she was not loving the idea. So Grant says, "Willa! I was just ordained!" Not like he was exercising unrighteous dominion or anything, just like it was his birthday, and he needed a present. Oh, how we laughed.

When I got home from picking Willa up from preschool today the neighbor kids and their cousins were in our backyard. They wanted to hold the bunnies and play with the goats and chase the chickens, and that was all fine, but I needed to do work and feed Willa lunch, and I started feeling irritated that they were hanging around and messing up my schedule. So then I had this conversation with myself:

Me: "Is it going to kill you to keep an eye on a few kids for a little while? You know, sacrifice brings blessings, and if you serve begrudgingly you don't get the blessings."

Me: "FINE. It's not that bad. I'm not really watching them anyway."

Me: "See? I told you."
Me: "But if I'm not put out about it, it's not really a sacrifice, which means I'm not going to get blessings, anyway. I want them to leave now."

We went and looked at the Bingham Copper Mine yesterday. It was a really big, deep hole in the ground, with big trucks hauling crap out of it. Did you know that Tiffany gets their gold from the Bingham Copper Mine? That's what my mom said she heard on TV. Maybe it's true.

all now mysterious shall be bright at last

Yesterday we were singing "Be Still My Soul" in church and I started crying. I didn't do it on purpose, it's just "Finlandia" is a really beautiful song, and it's all tied up with sad and happy memories. I couldn't help it!

On our way to Lehi last night to have Sunday dinner with Sandi and Kerry we played numerous games of mash, which were illuminating. For example, Ike wants to be a server at the Cracker Barrel. Emmett wants to be a long-distance trucker. Grant wants to be Captain America. Willa wants to be a caker maker. I want to be an otter trainer. John wants to be a career guidance counselor.

I cut all the boys' hair on Saturday so they wouldn't all look like they were convicts wearing Incredible Hulk wigs. Grant was ordained a deacon, so I wanted everybody to look sharp. Of course he's very excited that he gets to go to two extra hours of General Conference next week.

I hate PTA. Not because it's a lot of work, but because there is this one lady who I think is confused about how important her job is, and I think she maybe thinks she's President President, not PTA President. I had a meeting with her last week, and she is exhausting. It's not the lady I work with, thank goodness. My president is very chill. But that other lady is a trip.

merrily on our way to nowhere in particular

Baaaah, look what we saw yesterday!

I was gibbering like a nincompoop. They are only my favorite animal in the whole entire world.

We went to the Living Planet Aquarium because the kids didn't have school. It was a little expensive for what you got, but we did see a lot of very cool things, and everybody got to touch a stingray. I would like bigger displays and more critters.