such a very, very lot of pictures

This is almost all the pictures we took on our vacation. I took out the ones that made me look fat or showed my farmer tan. We also have copious amounts of video for future opportunities for shaming our children.

I told you she peed the plane.

Superman appears to be plotzing about the beach.

I don't know why they throw mud at each other, but I bet they'll make great politicians.

This is the claw of the crab The Hulk found.

At Gatorland we were impaled on the teeth of a giant reptile. It was sad.

Getting ready to watch people be stupid.

His name is Feros.

This bird had the hots for John. I have video of it grooming him. Get a room, you two!

Pinga sat on a fake snake.

Superman sat on an alligator.

So did Captain America.

And The Hulk.

Then they all got cooked and eaten.

They were not afraid of this dinosaur at Islands of Adventure. Clearly they have seen too many movies.

After our splashy river adventure. I think we were the only Americans there that day.

Hogsmeade! Eee! Also, do you see my rad shirt advertising the coming Apocalypse?

Elaine came with us, which was awesome. She's a great vacation companion, if anybody was wondering.

I took a picture of this lady's armpit while trying to see John and Elaine and the boys coming off Ripsaw Falls.

That lady doesn't look anything like Halle Berry. Sorry, Richard. Also, I bet Cyclops stuffs.

John took the boys on the Teacups, 'scuse me, I mean the Storm Force Accelatron.

At Typhoon Lagoon we played in the water and relaxed in the sun and got very worn out.

The beach was right behind our hotel.

We saw Gollum on the beach.

While we were eating dinner on Saturday night a fishing boat brought some fish to our restaurant.

And some huge rock lobsters.

There were cruise ships going past all the time. Our kids want to go on one, so I guess we will.

I ate oysters, and Captain America helped.

These scallops were so freaking amazing. I soaked up the juice with the bread and drank it when I ran out of bread.

Shrimps.

The kids were underwhelmed, as we knew they would be, so we didn't even order them anything besides garlic bread. John told them they could choose anywhere they wanted for dinner, and they chose McDonalds with a play land. Ugh. Better them than me.

On the way to the airport.

For any of our Voice Male compatriots, the place where we stayed was great. Not so nice that you feel like you're going to ruin it (no down comforters, sad), and it's right on the beach, where the water is warm and perfect, the sand is soft, and the waves are not too huge. Plus they have a ton of activities for the kids to do every day. So if you want to reserve a spot at The Resort on Cocoa Beach the next time it's your turn for the time share, I recommend it. I have taken some pictures for you to preview it.

Lobby.

Pool.

Exterior, day.

Headed for our plane.

It was a grand time had by all.

I must confess I still believe

The upside to Pinga having been put in her room so many times already this morning is that I'm getting a lot of work done in small, frequent spurts.

I do worry that this discipline method is ineffective, however.

so bring some out here

I want to give you guys some parenting advice. Here it is: if you bribe your children with a Sunday Night Treat (it has to be capitalized) that can be earned or lost, their behavior in church will gradually improve until you can finally make it through all fifty minutes of Sacrament meeting (this is as far as we've made it)without having to take anybody out into the hall for squishing. But the Sunday Night Treat has to be something they actually want--carob bars will not work here.

Things that work for my kids:
root beer floats
popcorn
cookies
rice crispy treats
ice cream

Things that only work on one or two children, if at all:
pudding
cake
pie
fruit crisp

Speaking of crisp: we had some peach crisp at dinner last night that was really something. I did the peaches and Sarah did the topping, and it was super hard for me to not eat the whole pan. I think the fruit of eternal life is a peach.

Here's a funny story for you. Once when John was young his family was eating their standard popcorn and root beer on Sunday night. One of the kids got sick and barfed his popcorn all over the table. Everybody stared in shock, and then John's mom got a spoon and started scraping the popcorn off the table into a bowl to clean it up. One of the other kids thought she was trying to save it, and said, "Mom, it's okay. You can have my popcorn." Ha ha ha ha! So sweet and gross.

just don't eat garbage

John and I were supposed to go to a class last night to learn how to be better teachers, but we decided not to go. They were probably just going to tell everybody not to use Spongebob to illustrate gospel principles, and since we didn't go, we'll still be sinning in ignorance. My mom was aghast that I talked about Spongebob in my YW lesson last week, and she probably thinks less of me . . . nah, probably not. It was just way appropo!

I'm going to put Pinga in the circus as a human truffle pig. She just found the Pez candies I had in my church bag and ate them all. She didn't see me put them in there, and my bag is hung up high in the closet. She also climbs on the stove to get candy she doesn't know about, and found some gum in John's top dresser drawer that he had hidden under some clothes, and then she hid it in the couch downstairs, where our boys found it and re-hid it somewhere else, where she found it again. She's freakishly good at smelling sugar or something.

I need a freaking leash

If anyone was wondering, I am never never never again taking my kids to a soccer game by myself, because I can't take a single more instance of some stranger bringing Pinga to me after she runs away while I am busy making sure the other three children aren't dying.

It's great to not have missed a day crying about what a bad mom I am.

The end.

and shoes full of feet

Pinga says she's going to wash that man right out of her hair. I'm glad to hear that she's ready to move on to a healthier relationship.

Our pre-emptive strike with Captain America has availed us nothing. We're expecting a pink slip any day now.

On the bright side, I was able to get through a few homeworky activities with Superman yesterday before he dissolved into sulky grunts, and The Hulk is excelling. He is almost ready to move on to times tables, and he has earned fifty school dollars for having his head so full of brains.

Pinga's comfort object is dirty laundry. Does this reflect poorly on my housekeeping skills? She won't stay out of the dirty clothes basket!